Dating principals

People who have had positive relationships throughout life will often be securely attached, but there are some exceptions.

For example, if you’ve had a really difficult and challenging romantic relationship, with lots of breaches of trust or on again, off again experiences, you might have developed an anxious or mixed attachment style because of this.

There is another category that we call ‘mixed’, which is a combination of dismissing and anxious — a person can be ‘clingy’ but at times also cold and dismissing, depending on the situation.

Our attachment style is based on our experiences early on in life, and the type of care we received from our parents.

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If the people that you had in your life growing up were unpredictable or frightening, you might be more of the ‘mixed’ attachment style — because you’ve received conflicting messages about what you can expect from the people close to you.

This concept has been around a long time in psychology — basically it refers to how we relate to others and how we feel about the important people in our lives.

Generally we all fall into one of three categories — secure (where you feel comfortable in relationships), anxious (where you feel a bit stressed out by relationships and feel quite insecure), and dismissing (where you might avoid relationships or appear cold or aloof).

It can even determine what kinds of ‘problems’ we have, in our friendships or at work.

Attachment style relates to a concept which we term ‘object relations’ — which is really how we perceive other people in our lives.

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