Choosing others dating mate selection
If other people, by virtue of who are, pull out of us people we ourselves don't like, we'll end up spending most of our time as people we don't want to be.
And arguably no one has a greater ability to impact who we are than our mate.
Not only that, but we also tend to attribute our subsequent behavior not to previous expectations others have had of us , especially if multiple people confirm our self-perception in multiple contexts.
Thus, if our parents, our teachers, and our friends all treat us as if we’re helpless, helpless is what we’ll believe ourselves to be and thus what we’ll likely become. Brad Pitt is reputed to have said about his divorce from Jennifer Aniston: "I didn't like who I was when I was with her." We spend most of our time around other people.
The uniqueness of their matched draw signifies to many pairs that they have been intended to be coupled and that their [...] Many couples who come for therapy to improve their relationship subsequent to frequent fights, arguments and mutual frustrations wish that the therapist will side with their individual view and guide their mate in becoming more agreeable [...] The delineation between being bonded and autonomous in a committed love relationship is often confusing for some couples.
In some cases, it's as if their shopping list was completely tossed aside. As with everything else, our conscious minds play second fiddle to our unconscious desires.Later, however, as our relationship evolves, they may begin to pull out of us parts our ourselves we don't like at all: our angry, demanding, or even depressed selves.Ultimately, of course, we bear the responsibility for who we are.Thus, the expectations that the men had for the women drove the way the men behaved toward the women, which in turn drove the way the women behaved toward the men.Further, other research suggests that when we make our behavior conform to another person’s expectations, we tend to internalize those expectations, which makes us more likely to repeat that behavior in the future.